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went to furama n met calvin after work...chat awhile before heading down to hospital for check up...den went home slack awhile before gg down to furama again...chill awhile and met stantly for some chit-chat session ...
i really really hope...but i guess i cant now...i cant give u the happiness u want anymore...
One last date
I will learn to cherish everything from now.
I will learn to cherish everything from now.
met evelyn at shoppin centre and she help me out...:) thx evelyn..
tml results will be out..i hope everything goes well ba..i got a feelin it will be good!even though facebook horoscope says my health will b rainy...i don care...hmmm
my emotions once again cant control itself...i am sorry...i know no matter what things i do wont change anything..but..please don close the door on me...please....
will upload the pics once i edited it!!!
after that went for K-session with John, Nic, Andy, Poh,Jason(p file), jerome and gerard!!! have great fun!!! aft that went down to a stupid place to find a stupid person.:)
anyway here are some pics at dbl o last sat!!!
do you know i miss you everyday?
congrats to my brother in law n my sis... long lasting ok!!!! and im sure you guys will!!!:)
i force myself not to think of you...force myself to try and give up on you...force myself to go and find another girl just to forget....
but i cant...
i cant forget the 小酒窝 on your right cheek whenever u smile...
i cant forget you always laugh when i stare at you
i cant forget your blurness
i cant forget the times when we walk n walk n walk to places we don noe
i cant forget the times we wrestle and have pillow fighting
i cant forget the times when we tickle each other
i cant forget the times when we challenge each other on psp games, from patapon to golf tee
mayb u r different from me, you are not like me, one who keep looking backwards instead of forwards.
but i cant understand why you just cant....cant think with your heart and not your brain...
i said i am going to let go...
i am sorry but....
I STILL LOVE YOU...
everytime i tot there is something, there isnt.
everytime i tot u are moved, you moved away
i seriously believe forcing is no good
but y force yourself then?
fuck it, i am really done with all this crap.
I tried my best and yet i know i deserve nothing
i should just fuck off from your life shouldnt i?
i don even know why if you love a person you just fuckin rather be with someone else you are not comfortable enough with.
I am fucking stressed up now and i really don know why.
and i am sad that you dont even care anymore.
i deserve it.
Onli you know here
and seriously, have you ever tot of being back even aft you are with him? because i believe you do.
Who can i approach to talk to when the one i wan to talk about is the one i reali wan to tok to.
today is my sis wedding!! later gg to the wedding dinner at marina mandarin. Tml will also be a busy day, Our branch cohesion at marina square before kboxin till the night!!! cant wait for my emo session at kbox again!!
last thurs went to bobby house for a house visit wif Mdm ong mei mei. On the way told her about my current situation, despite being my mdm, we would still able to socialise well even there is a 4 years age difference. Bobby was feeling gd and the 3 of us had a great time gossiping!!
gtg soon to prepare for the rest of the day!
din manage to catch u online today but...hmmm...take care yourself k...rmb to makan har!!:)
gone are the saddness of september and october!!! even i try my best to kill away the saddness, i failed. But then i guess november shld b a month of happiness despite not able to succeed! piano+basketball+clubbing!!!!
hell lot of fun today!!!
i do not lyk my life now because no matter how pack the schedule is, there is still some emptyness at a place. u may tink i love it but no. I want back the life i used to have but it takes two hands to clap.
DBL O tml!!!!
hope it will b fun!!
i am happy of what you told me but still i stand by my words. Don worry! But i will b dere for you no matter wad. :) and about the other thing you told me, just rmb what i told u even if u r reali stubborn. Before everything is too late, think carefully.
我真的只想和你做朋友，做你知己， 真的没有别的意思。 请你相信我。
When i say i stop all the tins i reali mean it
Whatever calvin did to u today i really didnt know. You sound as if i ask him to play u around. But i really did not. I told u i still wan care abt you and i really mean every words of it. I noe u longer need me to care for you anymore. And even though how much i hope we can still chat on the fone and you can still share with me your problems i guess you wont anymore. Its lyk you are putting whatever my friends did to you as a revenge from me. I really did not know any thing about what happen for your work.. I noe u r not turning back anymore but just believe me, it really hurts when i see how we are now. neither friends nor enemies. It really hurts alot.
There are things i really wan to talk to you about as a friend. But i doubt u will listen. But its really important.Everytime i give you comments you know i wont try to sabotage you. This time is the same. But the intention of making you a better girl has always been dere. Not just for the past 9 months but also now. i know you wont listen or give a damn about what i am saying now. but hopefully someday we can talk as a friend.
and whatever calvin say to them i reali don noe. please believe me. Thats all. All i wan now is just be your friends and share your problems and also your forgiveness. I reali don wan to ask for more. Please don hate me anymore. Please....
Dont leave me alone to pick up the pieces .
Your smell lingers in my memory .
I don't know , I shouldn't be feeling emo .
I need an angel .
But you're an addiction hard to quit .
Last question - Are you truly happy ?
"Do we have to lose some things in order to gain others ?"
"How does it feel when you're losing the greatest things in your life bit by bit ?"
The weather is so unpredictable these days .
Just when I thought the sun is coming out , it'd already started pouring .
It's almost impossible not to feel negative emotions nowadays
You've done no wrong , I just do not feel special in your eyes .
Your smell lingers in my memory .
I don't know , I shouldn't be feeling emo .
I need an angel .
But you're an addiction hard to quit .
Last question - Are you truly happy ?
"Do we have to lose some things in order to gain others ?"
"How does it feel when you're losing the greatest things in your life bit by bit ?"
The weather is so unpredictable these days .
Just when I thought the sun is coming out , it'd already started pouring .
It's almost impossible not to feel negative emotions nowadays
You've done no wrong , I just do not feel special in your eyes .
to the extent I can be too easily replaced and forgotten .
I want my love back .
Last question - Are you truly happy now?
went down straight to rita hse to burn the disc aft work. and thx ah heng for covering for me the level duty. tin tin also...for covering my duty tml. thx guys.
next week gonna be a busy week.. i am gg to start learning instruments...been writing lyrics but no 曲.. its time!!! :)
- Mood:
content
by the time you read this, you should have recieved the letter, the video and the dog. Hope you like it. I am sorry for this afternoon thing. Seriously, after all this things, i guess i cant ask from you much other than my forgiveness. And after all this 1 years of everything i guess i finally realise everything.
Alot of people told me, i should let you go. I guess in the end, the most immature person is me. I am the one who is still unable to let go when everybody has move on. If i love you, i should b happy as longas you happy rite? Isnt all this now, is what i wanted for you? To find a better guy and one who will love you and give you whatever you wan? I believe now that he is better than me. I am 21, yet i got nothing, not even a single cents with me. Compare to him, i am nothing. There will b e a rebound defintely. Meaning that when i hurt you so much he was there for you. Thus, i cant blame you for falling in love with him. Actually, all this while i didnt blame you. Because all this while i know it was my fault to let you go. I already lose to him once i broke up with you. Because i already hurt you and he did not. Michelle was right. I should give you guys a chance. My tears and everything wont bring any changes and i truly know your heart had died for me.
I should be happy with the way it is shouldnt I. You got happiness and thats enough. I always thought dawn was the one who changes my life. But now i know you are the one. During this relationship, silently i learn alot of things. I guess i really sucks at friendship after relationship. Dawn and Meiling was two example, and now, i make our situation so cock up. I am sorry even though sorry is not enough for everything. I chose the wrong time to shower you my feelings, chose the wrong time to tell you how much i love you, such to a extence that to u now i m just a pervert. I doubt you will think that way 9mths ago. But i cant blame you. You want your current relationship to work out and yet i look like im tryin to destroy it.
These 3 weeks have been tough not just for me but for you too. I guess everything should come to an end. Though how much i want to tok to you face to face because we never ever really had a face to face chat all this while but like you say, i guess its meaningless now. I am sad, sadden by the fact that there is so much difference between now and 1 month ago. The way you reject me the way you ignore me. I guess i deserve every inch of how you treat me now. But as i think, i really should let you go. Whats the point of cherishing when i chose not to cherish you in the first place. I rather b unhappy myself now den making you sad.
From today onwards, i am really going to do all the things that i used to tell you i want to. I am going to learn my driving liscence, get my private diploma, and start to plan for my business. Most important of all, i am going to take care of my health. I am going to start eating my medicine and hopefully on 6th Nov everything goes fine for me. I am strong k! and i still want to 喝你的喜酒!!! You too, take care of your health, and study hard ok! your parents are really worry about you and you must learn how to cherish them ok!
I sincerely hope we will b the best friends from now onwards. Even though this could actually happen till all my crazyiness, i wont force you. Because i know i hurt you alot and i make you hate me alot. But hopefully somehow someday you will forgive me and you would still share your problems with me like you used to. I doubt we will ever meet up again, but i hope if one day we do meet up in the streets, you would still smile at me and say hi to me. All the best to you and kok boon, i admit defeat and i sincerely wish you and him all the best. Jia Hui, take care yourself hao ma? :)
P/S: if the reason behind why you don wan to work this thur n sat is because of me, don worry, i wount let you c me. i will try my best not to show face in front of you again? I will avoid places that we might met ok? Just work for the last 2 days ba, i really don wan to sabo calvin because of my stupidness. Thx. :)
I know i shouldnt have left you just lidat.
And i know even till now i shouldnt have irritated you
Maybe i just love you too much
And i truly regret everything
I know whatever i do cant change anything
I can only hope that 1 day you will see the truth
But i am also heart broken by how you treated me this 1 month.
Thats even worse than how i treat you.
I can t blame you
But no matter what i do.
I hope that you wont stop being my friend
You wont stop telling me all your problems
You will still talk to me
Even though at times i might irritated you again
Even though at times i might still tell you i love you
But bear with me,
Deep down i just want to be there for you
I know i cant ask you be with me again
But at least just fullfil me 1 wish
That is to allow me to be still there for you when you need advice
In whatever things
As we are so close
I know you wont be shy to tell me anything
And i defintely want to hear you out
No matter how sad i am now
It does not matter to you anymore
I get it
And i know my persistent pestering have been irritating you
Sorry
I am sincerely sorry
I will try my best to hide everything from you from now onwards
Because i don wan to see you irritated anymore.
Take care my friend.
im sorry...
i noe sorry cant do much.
and i should not ruin u n him.
but ...
if i don anything..
i will regret more.
i reali hope u do tell mi ur true feelings someday.
Please take care of urself..
- Mood:
numb
didnt went out today. rita was workin and none of my friends was free. wanted to go down to find u but once again i got rejected. I guess i need to know its different from last time. Nothing much to say. But i am addicted to 恶作剧之吻 now!!!
i am sorry but i cant help myself from doing any stupid things again just to have you back.
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I did nothing I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
I didn't know you I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling now
Now that I don't Hear your voice
Or even touch or even kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
Baby nobody else We belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you're all on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
If you think you're lonely now
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside I need you
Need you back in my life baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody else
We belong together
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I did nothing I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
I didn't know you I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling now
Now that I don't Hear your voice
Or even touch or even kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
Baby nobody else We belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you're all on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
If you think you're lonely now
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside I need you
Need you back in my life baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody else
We belong together
I'll remember, how you will take care of me all the time
when i injured my hand
when i went for check up
when i was so broke i don have a single cent with me
when i am sick
when i injured my knee after my soccer game
when my eyes went sore red aft months of not changing contact lens
when i went for check up
when i was so broke i don have a single cent with me
when i am sick
when i injured my knee after my soccer game
when my eyes went sore red aft months of not changing contact lens
I guess the rain woke me up.
Fagging away in the rain,
With the rain flowing along with my tears.
I don't exist anymore?
Right?
But i am still hanging there
Do you still read my blog all the time how you used to?
Do you still remember that I'm here thinking of you all the time?
Do you still think of me?
Do you ever wonder how I live my day without you?
Is there anything or any corner of furama or any places that still reminds you of me?
I wanted so much to send a message to you,
everytime i misses you
But, I was held back.
You wont care right?
After all you no longer loves me
And your mind only haves him.
And your mind only haves him.
It's so hard to stay at home all the time.
My mind keep traces back to everything
But I realized you taught me a lot of things.
Most of all, you taught me how to love.
Brought me so much happiness not forgetting the pain of letting go.
I guess this is a growing up process. I'm learning, from my mistakes and from my experiences.
I haven't learn how to let go.
But I learn to be strong.
To hang on.
To grit my teeth and live through everyday.
Every night,
before I close my eyes to fall asleep,
I'll fill my mind with memories of you.
When how i first know you in furama.
And how i avoided you,
To how I tease you.
To how we got together.
How warm your hugs feel.
The way you took care of me.
I never regret anything till now.
I never regret being with you.
Cos I know clearly, you did love me deeply and truly one.
I know that very clear.
And I'm thankful for that cos the memories are like strengths for me to live past each day,
like how you were by my side.
Whenever I'm down and needed someone.
What I regret was i can;t have you by my side.
Now and future.
A part of me kept telling me your gone.
Yet voices telling me you'll be back.
I myself don't know.
But I do know.
I still miss you.
Just like the air I breathe, I need you.
But I suppose I will survive.
I guess, you'll never understand and know how much I loved you.
For who you are.
A lot of things cannot be forced.
You gave in to my selfish ways.
I was stubborn.
I insisted to stay with you.
I thought that's the best I could love you.
Now I know the best way to love you, is to let you go.
To be with you WHENEVER you will need be to be by your side.
Cos if your really mine,
you'll be back.
No matter how much you think its stupid for patching up cos feelings will never ever be the same.
But for me to be together with you once is a miracle.
There will be another miracle again.
No one has made me cried out so bad,
even for love.
After how i have treat you
What makes me think I really understood what's my love is all about?
No one had any idea how much you really mean to me.
Cos i told you before you were special.
I don't deny that I'm young and immature when it comes to love.
Cos maybe all the time I want things my way, and you gave in to me, tired and weary.
I wasn't sensitive enough.
All I know is to get jealous and face everything with a grief of a child.
You obviously cannot fulfill the things you have promised, otherwise things wouldn't be the way they are now.
I'm usually strong, no matter how easy I am provoked to cry,
I became strong, with friend, politics and everything around me.
I am strong to grit my teeth and fight all I can.
But with you,
I cry,
And I guess that's all I can ever do.
Your my weakness as well as a kind of strength.
What your going to do when the only person that could make you stop crying is the one that is making you cry?
I guess I need time, to learn, hopefully.
All I wanted is to be a good boyfriend again and all you ever wanted.
And i think you too, need some time alone to think about and reflect and think about your doings and our relationship and the love we used to share. And be the Jia Hui I know you truly can be.
I hope to you, this is still not the end.
There is so many things I still wished to say to you,
Now is still not the right time and my blog is certainly not the right place.
I walked back to the places we used to go to.
I stay in memories with all the place that remind me of you.
I stay in memories with all the place that remind me of you.
When it ends, you'll always thing about the beginning.
I was hoping you still remember everything I remembered.
This is not the end of my love for you.
When I hold on, I will never ever wanna let go so easily.
I guess we're both drained.
Very drained.
I don't know we'll stay apart like this for how long.
But I am looking forward to the day I'll be in your embrace again.
And tell you how much I loved you and hear your voice every night once again before I fall asleep.
And spent one whole day with you slacking around just enjoying your presence about me.
You know I miss you, every second, minute, every moment.
It's crazy to wake up and to remind myself you wont be there by my side.
The pain now always reminds me I'm alive.
It's the things people do.
For L-O-V-E.
it's over, your really gone.
The whole of the mornin and afternoon i have been playin basketball. First in the mornin at yishun with poh,nic,john,rayson,stallone and ah heng. And in the afternoon met up wif m.y at sembawang, again for basketball session. 元大鹰 is here !!! Thx for their accompany.
Still despite all the accompany and tryin to tired myself, I still think of you. Now then i know you no longer read my blog and i feel so sad. It seems like you doesnt give a damn anymore. But when you told me all the tins, i feel so scare. Yes i am reali worry for you and you should know why. I cant do much and i feel so helpless. If only you do have some friends around you that are able to direct you with right path now. Because mayb then you will understand what i meant.
你不要做傻事好吗？ 你知道我在说什么。 不要因为突如期来的爱而被蒙住了。 你也许可以否认但你真的没有像我所说的好好用心去想。
shall end here. I need some rest and a big project that will determined my everything to do. :(
